After I eat I actually miss feeling empty and hungry. It’s become comforting to starve myself.
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*loses 1lb*: well…that’s made no difference…one pound is nothing…still fat…fuck you too scale you bitch…guess I’ll be reaching UGW in 27 years then…
*gains 0.1lb*: WHAT the F U C K???!?!? erM EXCUSE mE might as well KILL myself I can SEE IT I SEE IT oh gOD I’m DROWNING in the fAt the S H A m E of it omgomg that’s SO MuCH I just CANT bear to LIvE
a little rule for myself.
dont celebrate weight loss with a binge, celebrate with a fast
me: i did great today i’m so proud of myself
my ed: yeah but what if there was an extra hundred calories in that cup of coffee
- someone: haha whoops i forgot to eat!
- me, compulsively eating because im losing control and i want to starve myself but cant: fuck off
- me to my parents: haha no eating disorders are disgusting, there's literal people at my school who eat one piece of lettuce for lunch, i don't get it, i don't feel pressure to be thin like everyone else, i accept my body
- me to myself: fuck you, that's.... 300...350...600 calories today... lose some fucking weight fatty... finally, a negative net intake Jesus Christ has come holy shit i lost a pound
I need to remind myself that it’s fine that I’m not skinny yet, that my expectations are too high. It’s not like I got this fat in one day, so I can’t lose it all in one day. It’s okay if it takes time to achieve my goal.
If I don’t eat, then I don’t have to hate myself 🤷♀️
When I don’t eat:
I lose weight faster
I get an amazing rush that I don’t get anywhere else
I have more time to study
I have more time to write my book
I have more time to read books
I feel better
I get better grades
I can sleep easier
I’m happier
I’m not disappointed or angry at myself
I feel lighter
I feel more confident
Stop telling me I need to eat!
